Wait, “A” maiden over his BROTHER?
When the Green Goblin threw MJ and a tram full of people off opposite sides of a bridge, what did Spider-Man do? If this situation took place in 1257 he would apparently have consulted his chivalrous heart and said “sorry tram full of people, I’ve no prospect of doing sexual things to you, so you die.” That would have been an easy 1250’s choice since strangers aren’t as important as your loved one, if you think about it. Even if there are a lot of strangers and only one loved one.
But Spider-Man isn’t from 1257 and neither am I, so when ‘ol web head just defied the laws of physics, saving both parties in order to stay loyal to the comic book material, I said “bravo, Spider-Man, now we don’t have to face any unpleasant moral dilemmas!” And that’s the way I like it– 100% awesome and equal all the way around.
Sadly, it seems half of the population doesn’t live with Spidey and I in the current century, and that’s what brings me away from work to write about. That picture at the top is from wikipedia’s article on chivalry, and quite frankly it scares me because I know that it still makes sense to people these days. The thought that my best friend would allow me to die because we don’t have sex with each other is disturbing. To be honest I would consider having sex with my friend if it saved my life, really. Maybe that’s disturbing in and of itself, but it only makes sense to have these conditions laid out ahead of time, because it would feel a lot like betrayal if sex was the hinge factor.
I digress.
What I mean to write about is this eternal fight with the toilet that rages between the sexes. “How did you get from Spider-Man to toilets, Will? Also, toilets are gross, Will.” Well, I was watching an episode of Journeyman (Bionic Wasn’t up yet, give me a break) when a scene comes along centered around this toilet. Journeyman is all like “hey how are you doing wife(?)?” and his wife (?) doesn’t say hi back, she just says something like “do you see this? The toilet seat goes down when you are done. Watch: up down, up down, do you see it? Did you comprehend that?” Journeyman shrugs it off and kisses her and I’m all like “WTFFFFFF TTThis shit is pissing me off!!!!
What was that? A funny scene? It’s funny to talk to someone like they’re an untrained dog? There were two obvious things wrong here: her tone and her world view.
First, shut up “wife”, I would break you over my knee if you spoke to me like that and I think Spider-man would help me. You want courtesy? Give and get, give and get.
Second, there is no logic in the toilet seat shenanigans. Woman uses seat, leaves it down, man lifts seat and leaves it up, woman puts it down and leaves it down, man lifts it up and leaves it up, etc etc etc everyone adjusts the damn thing to how they need it and no one is getting the free ride. If man always puts it down, though, who’s getting the special treatment? Lets at least talk about this subject as it is: forced chivalry. You might say 3/4 of the time it needs to be down so in reality there isn’t really a 50/50 solution. Well you would be stupid if you said that because 1 occurs more than 2* and therefore it’s more like a 40/60 problem and those kinds of numbers don’t warrant you being a bitch, “wife”.
Being chivalrous is a two way street and it isn’t a license to flap your gums, world. If the Green Goblin threw this lady and my pet turtle off the bridge I’d go buy a new turtle and start dating again, and that’s where being stupid about the toilet will get you.
Anyway, though I began this post with the feeling of righteousness I’m beginning to see that the reason that this hasn’t been sorted out before is because the fine print of the matter really makes you feel stupid for bringing it up. Someone had to do it, I guess. Besides, I’m right.
*yes, those are numerical values for bodily functions
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